Being Attacked by My Body
About two years ago, my doctor prescribed Cymbalta for reducing the effects of anxiety and fibromyalgia pain, and I wanted to share my experiences with that. To me, these things were confusing, and I overlooked them, because I am the type of person who doesn't let pain stop me. With my yoga practice, I actually began to connect with my body, and I learned that the symptoms I felt weren't healthy. Until 2019, I had just been living a painful life, pushing through the best I could, until, all of a sudden, it felt like I absolutely could not cope anymore.
I was a hot mess when I finally found a doctor who figured out that I had Fibromyalgia. To be honest, I thought that was a made-up disease for people who just wouldn't do the things that were necessary to lead a healthy life. That is not true! I was doing everything that I knew how to do to be healthy, happy, and active, but it just wasn't enough.
Once I started taking Cymbalta, the first symptom I noticed disappearing was that I no longer felt as though I was continually touching an electric fence. The second thing I noticed was a softening of muscle tension from not constantly being on guard against my own body. The third symptom was the bone deep pain that spread throughout my body started to ease.
After taking Cymbalta for about a year, and balancing my nutrition and exercise, I came off the medication. My doctors told me to not hesitate to get back on it if I felt like I needed to. Unfortunately and unintentionally, I did hesitate. Because I can mislead myself very easily. For a while, I was happy and comfortable in my body. But, a couple of months later, things started going downhill. I started to not be able to handle anything going awry in my life. On the outside, I looked fine, but when no one was around, I was curled into a ball, being discouraged with myself, and trying my best to pull myself out of the funk.
I thought that I must not be living a healthy enough lifestyle on my end if I couldn't handle anything. But, truthfully, I was doing everything I could. I was exhausted from trying to keep my body strong and my mind calm. And, people who know me would certainly think that I had all my ducks in a row. I'm just not the type of person who talks about my own despair--and it's not because I'm putting on a brave front or anything. Some people honestly just don't realize what's going on inside of them.
Thank God that my yoga practice has made me aware of my own self and what is healthy, because, this time around, I was aware of the signs. Some of the signs with the rise of the anxiety were that I began to withdraw into my own self. I became short-tempered, and then couldn't stop feeling guilty when I overreacted. I became afraid of death or afraid of not living a good enough life before I died. The pain in my body increased exponentially, and I would wake in a panic in the middle of the night.
My yoga practice made me aware, but no amount of asana or breathing practice was fixing the issues I had with my nervous system at the time I needed it to be fixed. It was time for me to see my doctor again. I already had an upcoming appointment to discuss the pain in my body, and I didn't actually plan on asking to get back on anxiety medication. I don't prefer to be on medications, but the pre-screening questions just made me even more aware of how anxious I had become.
After discussing it with my doctor, and her examining me for Fibromyalgia, again, we agreed that I should go back on a medication to help with the pain, as well as seeing a Physical Medicine doctor. The anxiety medication is not Cymbalta this time around, but it seems to be helping. I've been on it for about a week, now, and I can feel my system beginning to calm down. I am completely committed to my own yoga practice and continually improving my knowledge of healthy foods, but, my nervous system definitely needed extra medical help.