Don't Snap

I love my children. I love my solitude, too. I am a teacher and a mother. I don't get much solitude. I also have an overstimulated nervous system, and I work in several different ways to keep it regulated.

With all of this going on, I'm dearly trying to raise children who feel valued and wanted by me. One day, Alafair and I were at Barnes and Nobles looking at Legos that my son said interested him. Alafair had also mentioned the desire to build a complicated Lego set. I definitely wanted to support that.

At this point, we were about two weeks into the new school year. It was a big transition year for Alafair from elementary school to a new middle school, and to go from having me all summer to not having me around. It was a transition for me to go from barely having anyone needing my attention over the summer to classes full of students, parents, colleagues, and bosses who needed my attention.

While we were at Barnes and Nobles, I had hoped that Alafair would look independently for her Lego, and I could have my own space to find Aidan's Lego. Every time I tried to change direction, though, she was under my foot.

Thank God that we humans can think ahead quickly--if we have enough awareness of our own self and others. I knew she just wanted to be near me as a friend and a mother after too much time spent apart. While my heart was pounding, and my breath was choking with having someone in my bubble, I had a clear enough thought process to honor our relationship and just keep my mouth shut.

My nervous system becomes unregulated but that is not my daughter's burden to bear.