Parenting Tips (Hah!)
I've been doing this parenting gig for 12 years. With the tremendous amount of hours I've put into the job, I should be considered a professional. I've put in over 100,000 hours, and it takes about 10,000 hours to master complex skills, and be considered a professional. However, that concept doesn't actually apply to parenting.
Both me and my children are constantly evolving into different versions of our own selves. None of us give each other a "heads-up" when things are about to change, either, because we rarely even know it until we're in the change. We just have to roll with it.
My best advice to my self has been to respect my children as I desire them to be respected when they are grown. I have compassion that their lives are equally as challenging as mine. Even more challenging than mine.
They are so young they don't have the words to express how their feelings, they aren't allowed much autonomy to be in charge of what they do, and they haven't developed the self-awareness to process difficult emotions. Helping process difficult emotions falls to the parents. God bless the parents who are self-aware enough to work on their own emotional baggage before, or while, as the case often is, raising their children.
None of us are perfect, and parents are just people who have kids. I don't let that be an excuse for me not to better myself, though. Another parenting tip I've given myself is to always work to heal myself before passing down negative things to my children. I'm not always successful, but I take comfort in knowing that children of parents who's brains were fried by drugs have been able to be successful and happy in life, and my brain far superior to that.
When I mess up--even though it hurts my ego--I explain my behavior and I appologize to my children. When they mess up--even though it makes them cry--I explain their behavior until there are no more tears, and then they explain back to me why it was unacceptable. I learned that from reading Playful Parenting by Lawrence Cohen, and it has been a lovely tool to keep in my back pocket.
Many of my brilliant parenting strategies don't even come from me--or at least not on purpose. One example is how I get my children to eat lots of vegetables. We were at a party, when Aidan was 5, and there were both vegetables and cookie trays on a table. Aidan asked me if he could have a cookie, and I said, "Yes, as long as you eat five little carrots." I later heard him tell Alafair, who was 3, that it cost five carrots to get a cookie. I didn't really pay attention to what he was saying, though, until a long time later when he asked how much it would cost to get another cookie. I looked at him with raised brows and gave a sound of confusion. He said, "You know--how many vegetables?" The light bulb went off in my head with that brilliant way of wording it, and I told him to eat 5 broccolies and he could have another cookie.
Because I'm a smart cookie, I remembered that and always made them pay in vegetables before they got a treat. Aidan and Alafair have grown into great vegetable-eaters, and it wasn't even my idea. That's why I put laughter in my title for parenting tips. I can tell you what I've done to raise my children, but I don't expect it to be the way other people raise their children.Other than love and respect at the forefront of our relationships, I don't think there are any perfect ways to raise children. I do hope to remain a strong leader for them, to remain humble and apologetic when I need to be, and to continue to educate myself on the best ways to raise my children throughout their lives.