She Flipped Me Off
As I was driving the kids home from a concert in the park, my daughter asked me, for the fifth time, if she could have a game night. I had finally decided my answer would be no, because they needed their rest. That was obviously not the answer she wanted and I sensed a shift in the air. I turned my head just in time to see her flip me off. Albeit, she used her ring finger, and I could tell that she was playfully trying to impress her brother by showing just how much she didn't agree with my answer. That was still not acceptable.
By the grace of God and mindfulness, I was able to respond to this behavior rather than react to it. I must be becoming less egotistical as I age, because I truly wasn't upset with her behavior. That, or I've finally read enough parenting books that I truly had the skills to deal with the situation. Maybe both... . My daughter is not a nasty child, so I knew that she wasn't trying to be outright rude to me. And, even though I did explain to her the meaning behind flipping the bird, I knew she wasn't trying to be mean to me.
She didn't realize what she was doing. She had seen her classmates do it to one another, and she's seen me with my siblings and cousins that are the exact same age as me do it to one another (very rarely), but she didn't quite have the grasp on when to do it. Mostly I focused on making sure she knew never to do that to me or another adult, again. I cautioned her about doing that to friends. I remembered when I was her age, and I wanted to impress people with how grown I was with what I perceived to be grown things, and it sure was difficult trying to figure out how to be kind but not come across as a goody-two-shoes. Though this time I was calm and explained in detail about the improperness of flipping someone off, I made sure she realized that should it ever happen again, she would not like the consequences.
I was very aware that how I responded to my children would either build them up or break them down. I was glad that I've been able to raise them where we could often talk things out, as we did on our drive home. I knew that my daughter was just trying to figure out her responses in a world where she was constantly told what to do. I was aware that my response needed to be appropriate for raising great humans while not squelching the spirit of rebellion that they needed in this life.