You're Not Allowed In My House

I bet you thought I was talking about a physical person with that title. I'm not, though. I'm talking about the imaginary conversations that I have in my head with the person who has made me feel as though I have done something wrong. I deal with severe anxiety, and I often feel this way. When I think that I have failed in some way it feels absolutely miserable. These situations happen regularly, and I can't allow myself to get attached to those emotions and play out negative scenarios in my head. Doing that is as bad as actually having the event happen.

Lately, I have been recognizing the feelings of anxiety and the other symptoms that causes. I've been reminding myself that I am not the anxiety I feel. I've lived a life that has caused my central nervous system to overreact to many things. I am now aware that I don't have to react to the gut-wrenching, and heavy, and saddening, or overexciting, emotions caused by anxiety. I can just observe the sensations moving through me. Particularly, when I am at home--a place that I work to maintain as my sanctuary--I want to make sure I'm not letting the anxious and overdramatic version of myself exist in my home. I believe thoughts create energy, and that energy seeps into the walls, and can either lighten or darken the mood of my entire home.

The signs that let me know the anxious side of myself has taken over sometimes feel like a punch to the Solar Plexus (to the gut). Sometimes it feels like a tightening of every fiber of my being in preparation for an attack. Sometimes it feels like low blood pressure that is about to cause me to faint. I find that it's easier for me to not engage in these emotions when I'm at work and distracted, but I've found myself, lately, getting pulled back into that self-created drama playing out in my head.

I have to be firm in telling myself absolutely not to allow it, and I have to find things to counter those lower level energies. Instead, I turn that anxious self-talk into a conversation where I tell that person's energy that it is not allowed in my house. Then, I go about the business of raising my own vibrations and honoring the sanctuary of my home.